


Pretty

by gambitsgeekyprincess



Category: Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming of Age, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Felix, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Felix, Other, Pansexual Character, Slow Burn, pansexual felix
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24803140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gambitsgeekyprincess/pseuds/gambitsgeekyprincess
Summary: " And I'm Pretty sure I'm a boy. ". Felix was actually not so sure.
Relationships: Felix Weston/Lake Meriwether, Felix Weston/Victor Salazar
Comments: 11
Kudos: 73





	1. Saturday

" Pretty sure? " Lake asked and Felix met her eyes before thankfully having to turn to face their teacher.

He can not believe he just slipped up like that. Hes always been so careful about this. "This" being the unshakable sensation that sometimes "boy" didn't feel completely right. Its not that He doubts he is a boy, he just isn't sure thats all he always is. He was telling the truth when he told Victor he would love to be the new kid at school. Hes done his research online seen a few terms that could apply to what he may be feeling but he would love to discuss it all with someone. 

He and Victor had become so close so quickly he had been sure he would be able to finally broach the subject but then Victor had started seeing Mia and rose to popularity and while he hasn't left Felix behind yet he can't help but fear it may happen eventually. Felix knows he can be a lot to handle, hes hyper, overly passionate and has a tendency to misread social ques. He really can't see people, especially Victor putting up with that plus whatever identity crisis Felix has been trying to figure out since he was like five. This sudden "boys" trip that Felix wasn't invited on is so not helping with his insecurities either but hes trying to tell him self that its most likely a family thing. 

He can hear Mia, Lake and Andrew texting and figures any conversation would be a welcome distraction from his self deprecating thoughts. He shoots off the group text without thinking of the consequences of the combined vibrations and so its with honest shock that he glances at his friends when the teacher informs them that they will now be serving detention this Saturday. 

XXXX

There are worst ways to start detention, Felix thinks as Lake's fingers tighten on the sleeve of his shirt as they kiss but of course as soon as this thought is crossing his mind Lake is pulling away and reminding him that he is her " sexy little secret " and honestly Felix is so sick of secrets. He lets her go though and starts to count the seconds before he can safely make his way to the group without anyone assuming he and Lake arrived together not that he believes anyone would believe it anyways. He still can't really believe hes not going to wake up one day to find all of this with Lake has been a dream. Hes been crushing on her for so long and now it seems just maybe he has a chance. 

His eyes go straight to Lake even as he makes his excuses and endures Andrew's teasing with as much dignity as he can. He can see Lake smile as if finding the Lone-stone joke funny which hurts a bit but at lest she doesn't laugh But the smile stays in his mind every time he has to scrubs the words Lone-stone off a wall. That must be why its so easy to believe Mia when she tells him Lake and Andrew are hooking up.

He thinks he maybe shoves the can of Lysol a bit too roughly at Mia in his haste to take Andrew's place at Lake's side but hes just barely containing the hurt and anger in his heart. Andrew thankfully buys the switch up excuse and soon Felix is alone with Lake.

" So, you're hooking up with Andrew? " He accuses.

" what are you talking about? " Lake asks with a laugh.

Felix replies trough his teeth in an attempt not to yell.

" cut the charade, Mia told me everything. " Felix insists.

" Oh! she saw the hickey you gave me and assumed it was from Andrew. " Lake says and for a moment Felix smiles in relief but Lake continues to speak, " This is why I said no hickeys but this jealously thing is kinda hot.".

the smile falls from Felix's face as he speaks, " Look Lake, I've been trying to be cool because I don't wanna mess this up but I'm starting to feel like you're super embarrassed by me. ".

" uh no, not super embarrassed, medium. " Lake says as if thats somehow better.

" Is it the lone-stone thing? ", Felix asks.

" Doesn't help " Lake answers with a sideways glance, " but I'd love to keep doing what we're doing on the DL. ".

Felix looks at her smile, a smile he has loved since the first time he saw it and shakes away the angry reply on his tongue and walks away.

XXXX

Andrew finds him laid out on a bench about twenty minutes later, smacks him on the knee and accuses him of slacking. Felix feels his shoulders tense up and he tries to let his anger out for once. 

" You know, you're a tall, like super tall giant. " Felix grits out.

" Are you....hitting on me? " Andrew asks.

" No! no, I'm insulting you! I'm not good at trash talk cuz unlike you I'm a good person. " Felix explains with an eye roll.

" I'm a good person. I just like busting your ball." Andrew replies with a smile and lord help him Felix can tell he truly believes that.

" Do you know how many times I scrubbed the word Lone-stone off these walls today? " Felix stands and asks.

He doesn't wait for a reply before he continues, " Twenty-one times! and each time is your fault! ever since you created that stupid nickname I wasn't a person, I was a joke! And no girl wants to date a joke! " .

" Oh come on man, I just like to make people laugh. ", Andrew defends.

" Nobody's laughing because you're funny, they're laughing because they don't wanna become the next victim of a dumb, cliched jock straight out of an eighties movie! " Felix yells before storming away.

XXXX

Lake finds him moping on the stairs and maybe hes still mad or maybe hes embarrassed but he lashes out.

" you sure you wanna sit next to me? the janitor might see. ", He sasses.

" I'm sorry about earlier, you're not embarrassing. I'm embarrassing for caring about status or whatever. ", Lake pauses and Felix can feel her eyes on him but refuses to look at her until she continues, " I'm not ready for everyone to know but I did tell Mia about us. so...baby steps, Kay? ".

He knows hes smiling but he can't fight it. 

" Okay. ", He whispers and is rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and karmic justice in the form of the end of Saturday detention. 

XXXX

Mia invites them all to grab food and as they head out he catches sight of Andrew adding graffiti to the walls they just spent half this day cleaning. He calls out to him and Andrew caps his marker and takes off after the girls. Felix lets his curiosity carry him over to where Andrew had been scribbling. The words " Felix has massive balls. Plural! " are so stupid and yet its the first time Felix has full out grinned in hours. He walks as fast as he can to catch up to his friends as he pumps his fist in the air feeling like Judd Nelson in the breakfast club.

The food truck is like a beacon of comfort and as soon as the fries are in his friends in front of his face Felix feels his stomach roll. His hand is reaching out even before his mouth asks the question of if he can have one. Lake and Andrew tease him about being hot enough to earn a fry but this time he only feels warm at their teasing. It is a really nice change of pace to feel comfortable with teasing, to know that the people saying the words don't really mean any of it and like him fro who he is. 

The thought of who he is takes him right back to this morning. Takes him to the moment where he was so comfortable with someone that he almost let go of one of his most closely guarded secrets and just like that hes no longer hungry. He shoves it all down and concentrates on his friends as they polish off their meals and finally they're all walking home. He kisses Lake sweetly on her doorstep before walking the rest of the way home alone.

His stomach feels as if its lined in led as he walks up the stairs, into his apartment and only eases a bit when hes behind his bedroom door hidden away from the rest of the world. He changes into a t-shirt and sleep shorts before crawling into bed. He lets himself google a few of the words hes learned in previous research sessions. He reads the definitions of the words repeatedly to himself and tries to vocalize them aloud but his throat seems to dry out and no sound escapes. Hes terrified that even here, alone in his bed, someone will over hear and he'll be labeled a whole new kind of joke, The kid who believes he can be multiple genders.

He exits out of google before plugging his phone in and forcing himself to think of anything else. His mind at first goes to Lake and her pretty pink outfit but as he gets closer to actual sleep warm brown eyes and the smell of cinnamon invade his dreams.


	2. Sunday

Felix was always awake way too early. Its just barely nine on a Saturday and as a teenager he should be sleeping in but hes risen with the sun for as long as he can remember. He does however reach for his phone before even leaving his bed like every other person does. He feels excitement jolt him as he sees a text from Victor. The text is simple, Victor is having so much fun on his boys trip and he'll be home late Sunday night. Felix can't help but be disappointed at not seeing his best friend till Monday But he sucks it up and types a quick message back before dragging his body out into the mess of his apartment to make breakfast.

Breakfast ends up being some coconut cream and coffee over night oats his mom made before bed last night. Felix eats slowly, savoring the creamy texture of the oats and the syrup slow start of a cozy Sunday. Once hes finished he starts a pot of coffee going for himself and his mom. Hes never sure if she will leave her room the day he makes coffee but if not he can always bring it to her in bed. 

As the sound of the coffee beginning to percolate fills the silence Felix decides to see if anyone is free to hang out. He doesn't have to wait long as Mia replies that shes with a project today and Lake follows right behind with a text informing him that she and her mother have will be out most of the day. Felix considers texting Andrew for a moment before shaking his head to himself. They may run in the same group but they aren't really hang out alone friends. 

He fixes himself a cup of coffee, no sugar with a splash of sweet cream and cinnamon, and heads to one of the few clear chairs in his home. He opens Instagram and is greeted with a shot of Lake and her mother obviously about to head out for the day. His finger immediately double taps the picture to make the little heart flash as the like registers but he doesn't scroll away yet. He studies Lake's outfit, its a beautiful yet cozy looking sundress. The dress is a antique green color covered with pale pink flowers, the front is adorned with plastic buttons colored to look like stained wood.

Felix's throat goes dry at the yearning that churns in his stomach and he tries to drown it in a gulp of coffee. He swipes out of Instagram, grips his phone tight in his hand and makes his way back to the coffee pot. He fixes his mother a cup of coffee with milk and honey and delivers it to her beside table. He balances it carefully atop the mountain of magazines perched there. Shes still asleep but he knows she'll be up before the steaming cup goes cold so he leaves for his own room.

He locks his door as soon as its closed. He leans heavily against the door tries to fight off the feeling of his skin crawling as he looks down his own body to see a plain shirt and polyester boxers. He makes his way to his beside table and drops his phone down on to it before heading to his closet as the feeling,the itch settles in his gut. He pulls the door open slowly and stretches up high to reach the medium size box he keeps on the top shelf. He pulls out a soft pastel rainbow striped sweater that use to be his moms and some lace trimmed shorts he found in his size a few years back at a thrift store.

He quickly pulls his t-shirt off and replaces it with the sweater and as soon as he feels the merino wool touch his skin the itch begins to cool. He drops his boxers and quickly slides into the shorts. As soon as hes dressed he reaches back into the box and pulls out a bottle of teddy perfume and sprays just a bit on the sweater and his wrists. He slides the box under his bed before searching his bedside table for the pink tinted LipSmackers balm he keeps there. Dabbing just a pinch on lips He finally lets himself turn to face the body mirror in the corner of his room.

He doesn't let himself do this too often, more often then not he doesn't need to to feel comfortable in his skin even on days where he kind of wishes someone would use she/her pronouns or at lest tell him hes pretty but then there are days like today. Days where he feels more alone than normal, Days where he can feel how lanky his body is and knows no one is ever going to use words like soft or cute to describe him. Days like this call for a little something, a little taste of temptation of what could be to quiet the burn in his skin.

He lays down on his bed, letting the long sweater bunch around his thighs. He glances down and sees a bit of lace poking out from folds of rainbow and feels warm all over. He brings his arms up to his nose and breathes in the sweet scent adorning his wrist. He feels cute and he really just wants to keep feeling this way, wants someone else to see him this way. He grabs his phone from the beside table and does something he has never done before. On this Sunday morning Felix takes a selfie on one of his more feminine days.

He stares at the picture for what feels like forever before tacking it onto a message draft for Victor and hovering his thumb over the send button. He swallows and squeezes his eyes tight. He pulls a breath in deeply trough his nose and then lets it gently out his mouth and tries to will his finger down on the button. His shoulders tighten, his teeth grit together and with a huff he clears the draft away and throws his phone near the foot of his bed.

Curling into a ball Felix breathes in the scent of his perfume as he imagines telling Victor that he thinks he isn't always a boy. Imagines Victor telling him he understands, Imagines what Pronouns he would want to use. Lets himself imagine people telling him he looks cute or buying him dresses as well as polo shirts on his birthday. He falls asleep to the image of himself in a antique green dress in his minds eye.


	3. Sunday Afternoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the love and comments on this fic! I'm sorry its been so long and this chapter is a bit shorter but I promise there is more soon to come and I hope that you all continue to enjoy this!

Felix wakes up in a cold sweat and to a severe case of sandpaper mouth. His sweater is slipping of his shoulder and his shorts have ridden higher then is comfortable and it takes Felix a long moment to realize what happened. He flips his body over with his elbow and reads the fluorescent green numbers on his bedside clock. Twelve. He hasn't slept this late into the afternoon since he was ten.

He drags himself out of bed and catches in the mirror. His chap-stick has faded and his hair is wilder than normal and he feels like he doesn't fit into his own skin. He rips his sweater over head, tossing it under the bed before dropping his shorts and storming to his closet, It just became a over-sized sweatshirt and two tubs of ice-cream on the couch day. 

Once hes dressed, he combs his hair and washes his face before carefully picking up the sweater from under his bed and the shorts and puts everything safely back in the box and slides it back into his closet. He makes his way to the living area and clears enough room to sit where he has a view of the tv and then heads to the kitchen to grab a tub cookie dough ice cream to keep him company. 

The day goes by quickly and slowly after that somehow, as if Felix is in some sort of paradoxical time warp. The television announces the six o'clock news and Felix hits the power button just as Lake's mom's face fills the screen. He honestly can't deal with anything that reminds of life outside of his apartment at the moment so to the kitchen to busy himself with cooking dinner is the plan. 

He can just nuke a tv dinner but he wants to kill as much time as possible so he gets some vegetables roasting in the oven while he peels, boils and mashes some potatoes before throwing some avocado chunks in flower and into a frying pan. Its an odd meal, but its one of Felix's favorites and he just wants comfort today. It doesn't take as long for everything to be ready as he likes but its good enough. He spends the rest of his evening eating and watching Ferries Bueller's Day Off before laying down at nine to sleep. 

His phone shines in his eyes as he plugs in the charger and a text from Victor pops up. Felix smiles for the first time since he got all dressed up that morning. The text is simple, Victor is on the bus ride home and he'll see Felix in the morning before school. The text does end with the words " good night, sleep well " with a smiley face and Felix feels a clench in his stomach and a warmth in his chest. He shoots back a quick " you too! " with a smiley before placing his phone on the pillow beside his head instead of the table. 

Images of Victor, confessions and dresses float around his mind until his eyes fall shut and the world fades away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is so long over due but its been a rough year so far am i right? But I have most of this story already written out now so its just a matter of typing it up so hopefully updates will be much more frequent from here on out.


	4. Monday Morning

" Hey, Felix, are you awake? over. " cuts trough the dream Felix was in the middle of and he reaches over, eyes still closed to grab the walkie from his bedside table.

" I am now, whats up man? " Felix gets out after a quick yawn.

" I know we've still got like a hour before school but I really need to talk. " Victor whispers and suddenly Felix is wide awake. 

" Of course man, meet me down stairs in five. ". Felix replies as he stands up to get dressed.

" see you soon. ". Victor confirms.

Felix throws a sweat shirt over his pjs and fast walks down stairs. He can see the apartment's main window that Victor is already on the steps. He opens the door and takes a quick seat right next to Victor whose body langue is screaming vulnerability, Even if he didn't recognize it from all the times hes sure hes looked the same way he knows its not how his usually confident best friend holds himself.

" Hey man! " Felix greets gently.

" hey! I could have met you at yours. " Victor says.

" Oh no, my moms a really light sleeper. " Felix replies the lie slipping out easily after so much use, " so whats up? " Felix says to move past it.

" okay, um I don't really know how to say this but if I don't say it now I'm gonna lose my nerve so here it goes. " Victor starts and Felix nods to encourage him.

" Can you turn around? " Victor asks as he looks down.

" seriously?! " Felix exclaims.

" I'm sorry, its just too much pressure with you staring at me, specifically because you hardly ever blink. " Victor explains as Felix does as requested.

" What are you talking about? I blink a perfectly normal amount. " Felix argues but then suddenly finds himself blinking every other second. 

" Felix. ", Victor starts then huffs before continuing, " I like guys. ".

His words are broken by a laugh but then he keeps going, 

" Like I'm into them. ", Victor swallows but his words stay strong, " I thought i might for awhile but I wasn't totally sure and I really wanted to make things work with Mia because shes awesome but I, I can't. because I like guys. ", victor finishes quietly.

Felix's mind is moving quick, quicker than usual which is saying a lot in his case. He thinks about when they first met and how awkward it was when he told Victor about Benji. He thinks about his little people might talk remark and spends a few minutes kicking himself before realizing he is most likely the first person Victor has come out to. His chest warms and suddenly he remembers his slip up in class, remembers the feeling of his lace shorts and soft sweater and thinks of telling Victor. He even opens his mouth before shutting it soon after. He isn't ready yet and he doesn't want to take this moment from Victor and make it about himself but he knows for sure in this moment that he does want to tell some soon. He wants to tell Victor soon.

He starts to look at Victor but then decides to play it safe. Turning his head just so his voice will carry but keeping his eyes fixed far away from Victor he asks, " Can I turn around now? ".

" Yeah ", Victor concedes, voice barely a whisper.

Felix turns slowly, mouth already open but then he meets Victor's eyes for a moment and closes it before pulling the boy into a tight hug. Victor's arms take a moment to wrap around him but when they do his fingers tighten so hard in his sweater that Felix can feel his nails scrape his skin trough the cotton. He eventually pulls away but makes sure to leave his hand on Victor's shoulder to assure him that hes still here even as he speaks.

" I um, I really don't know the perfect thing to say but I'm really happy you told me. and this doesn't change anything between us, obviously! ", Felix assures.

" actually as far as perfect things go, that was pretty good. " Victor says with a bright smile.

Felix has never felt this close to anyone before and once again he feels the words rise up his throat but he swallows them back down. This is victor's moment, Felix knows he'll get his turn and for once he actually dares to hope that someone may not look at him with disgust or confusion. He hopes Victor will look at him just as he is now, with a bright smile and soft eyes. That he'll tell Felix its all okay, that Felix is still Felix no matter what he wears or what pronouns he decides to use. The possibility alone has Felix tearing up and of course Victor notices.

" aw, Felix don't cry. " Victor coos as he wraps a arm around his shoulders.

" I'm not crying! you made me aware of my blinking and it irradiated my eyes.", felix covers as he scrubs his eyes to stop the tears before continuing, " so, how does it feel to get all of this off your chest? " .

" Kind of amazing! ", victor breathes, " But you were the easy one. "

" Yeah, telling Mia is gonna suck. " Felix replies honestly. 

" Yeah " victor concedes. 

" But she'll understand, its not like you cheated on her or killed her cat. ", Felix jokes.

" I kind of kissed Benji. " Victor states.

" whoa. ", Felix says stunned, something twisting in his chest that he doesn't quite understand. 

Victor nods and they both sit in silence for a bit. Felix isn't sure if they're both trying to postpone school and the real world as long as possible or if they are just enjoying each others company. If Felix is honest with himself, its both for him, He loves spending time with his bestie but he also doesn't want to face Lake. All good things must come to an end how ever when both their phones chime with set alarms and they must return to their own apartments to get dressed to start the day. They walk up together and though they'll be seeing each other again in mere moments Victor pulls him into another tight hug and Felix hugs back just as tight and Buries his nose in his best friends shoulder, 

" Thank you for still being my best friend. ", Victor whispers.

" of course, you won't get rid of me that easy. " Felix jokes but holds Victor even tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we talk about this coming out scene!? honestly everything I wanted it too be! Felix is too pure for this world! and while I know most of us have faced one or more negative reactions to coming out it was nice to finally see something so instantly positive on tv vs the nineties when you knew a character coming meant instant trials and tribulations. Not to say I don't love my nineties shows and the fact they tackle the tough parts too but sometimes all we want, all we need to see is a happy moment to give us hope.
> 
> and though we have grown apart, I'd like to take this moment to thank my best friends for making it so easy to be myself and for accepting me wholeheartedly not only when I came out as pan but also when I came out as genderfluid. Having someone instantly use the correct pronouns I requested and not asks me if I was sure or tell me that who I was was bs meant so much to me and I hope I made you both feel just as accepted. I love you both, always!


	5. Schools In Session

The walk to school is filled with Victor feeling him on all the details of his " boys trip ". He tells Felix all about Simon and Bram. He tells Felix about meeting their roommates, one of which uses they/them pronouns and something settles even more in Felix's chest. Hes been thinking about pronouns off and on for awhile now but never quite so seriously as he has been since this morning. Victor goes on and on about all of his new friends in New York and despite his enthusiasm he never once uses the wrong pronouns for any of them and Felix knows instantly that whatever he tells Victor and everyone else, Victor at lest will stay by his side.

They finally make their way trough the school doors and the first thing Felix sees is a giant spring fling banner. His good mood sours a little and he voices his busy mind to Victor.

" oh ho, the school dance, the perfect night of romance with my sweetie. If my sweetie didn't think being seen with me was social suicide. ". He sighs.

" whats the latest with you two? ", Victor inquires.

" She still doesn't want anyone knowing we're hooking up but she did tell Mia, so, baby steps! ", Felix said with a smile, " Or whats smaller than baby steps, fetus steps? ".

Victor laughs and Felix rambles on, " No no no, I get it, she is totally out of my league. sorta like if Taylor Swift was dating the dog from a dogs purpose. ". 

" Hey, hey, you are not a dog! you are charming, you have thick shiny hair and really nice brown eyes! ", Victor insist.

" you are literately describing the dog from a dogs purpose. ", Felix counters.

" okay do you really wanna go with Lake for real? ", Victor asks annoyed.

" of course! I thought of so many ways to ask! Sky writing, flash mob, Capella serenade. " Felix lists.

" Then just ask her! but ya know, like in a normal way. ", Victor says with a gentle, teasing smile.

" Okay ", Felix says with a smile of his own, glancing at the ground to avoid Victor's beautiful eyes.

Victor turns around to continue their walk to their lockers when suddenly Felix hears him gasp " Oh god. ". 

Felix looks up to see Mia at her locker, " so, whats the game plan with Mia? " he asks as he places he hand on Victors shoulder.

" I'm gonna ask her if I can come over tonight, so she has some privacy when I tell her the truth. " Victor explains without looking away from his girlfriend. 

Felix bites his lip but says nothing, after a moment Victor speaks again.

" Am I doing it? am I walking towards her? " he asks as he stands stone still.

" Nope! you are fully rooted in place. " Felix states obviously, " why don't I just give you a tiny little ", He cuts himself off as he pushes Victor forward.

Victor looks at him with betrayal and fear in his eyes but keeps moving. Felix leans against the wall and watches him go. He hopes he doesn't need a push when he decides to come out to Victor or Lake. Victor will totally help him with Lake but hes only got himself to depend on to tell Victor.


	6. Monday Night

Lakes lips petal soft against his as she moves closer with each kiss. He keeps his hands on her shoulders, he would never risk moving them lower with out permission and he also loves the feel of her long hair grazing his finger tips. He loves his hair, always has, its always been thick and full and grows quickly. He likes it short but sometimes the thought of trying it long crosses his mind. He wonders if he could learn to curl it the way Lake does hers. Hers is always so pretty.

Hes pulled out of his thoughts by Lake moaning into his mouth and pushing him a bit harder into the wall of the janitors closet they're currently hiding in. He savors her cherry gloss a bit longer before pushing her away gently.

" Lake, hold on a moment, I've been thinking I should be more honest with you about what I want", He pauses to put his thoughts in order, " Look, I think we should go to the dance together. ".

" I... I'm not really into dances. " Lake lies.

" What you love everything dance related! Dancing with the stars, World of dance, Dance dance revolution, Dirty dancing, So you think you can dance! " Felix lists off calling her on her lie.

" You're such a good listener ", She starts then looks down, " Felix, couples who go to dances are scrutinized and I'm just not ready to put us under the Creekwood microscope. ".

" so we can only see each other in supply closets?! I can't live in the shadows lake! I'm paranoid enough as it is! " Felix yells. 

" well, uh, my parents won't be home after school, wanna come over? maybe it'll be so hot you'll catch a tan. " Lake purrs. 

" Oh my god, um " Felix gasps but Lake cuts him off.

" and just to be clear we're not advancing bases, we're just advancing to an actual bedroom. " She tells him.

" Totally understandable but just so I know is this a no shoes situation because if so I wanna choose my sock selection accordingly. " Felix explains.

Lake shushes him before falling back into his arms. Their lips meet and Felix feels a bit warmer at the thought of at lest being aloud to be with Lake in her bedroom rather than a dusty old closet. Baby steps.

LVLV

" Your room is beautiful ! " Felix says in awe as his eyes take in every inch of the robins egg blue walls before his eyes land on a picture frame, " oh my god is this you as a little girl? Look at your little baby cheeks, I could just bite um".

" Um okay, can we not make this about me as a baby when we finally have some privacy? " Lake pleads as she takes the frame from his hands and places it face down in the desk.

" you're right, whats wrong with me!? " Felix questions before pulling the shorter girl into his arms.

They kiss deeply for a few moments but then the voice of someone calls from down stairs and they snatch apart. 

" Uh, crap my moms home early, just uh get under the bed okay? but hurry shes coming. " Lake whispers urgently and sure enough the door flies open just as his feet are covered by the hanging blanket.

LVLV

Felix has been under this bed for what feels like forever and he knows it must feel even longer to Lake. He can not believe the things her mother is saying to her. Lakes shoulders are less broad then his and his shoulders are one of the few parts of his body that he loves on his more feminine days. The way her mom followed that up with her weightless and then rambling on about presentation. When she gets to Lake's grades followed by phrases such as " how to look curvy but not big " and " attractive but not floozy " Felix feels sick to his stomach. How could anyone say these things to their own daughter.

The bubble that normally accompanies Lake's voice deflates and she concedes to her mom who sounds so pleased as she leaves. Felix is crawling out from under the bed as soon as he hears the door click shut.

" Okay, for the record she is insane! your body is literately perfect! " Felix testifies.

" Felix, please, lets just sneak you out the back door. I can't even look at you knowing you heard that. " Lake begs.

" Actually I wanna take you somewhere, show you something. " Felix says before he can convince himself not to.

LVLV

The walk home feels longer than ever before. A part of him has always dreaded going home but he always found safety in the knowledge that no one knew what he was going home to. Now he was about to show Lake, A girl who still didn't want to be seen with him in public, one of his deepest secrets. He thought this too would be something he would tell Victor about first but things change when someone you care about is verbally beaten down right in front of you. He feels he owes Lake this vulnerability.

" I've never brought anyone to my apartment before. " He tells her as he turns the key, " Not even Victor. " He adds on.

He watches her eyes circle the room as her mouth falls open. You can't see most of the walls and none of the carpet past the makeshift walkways. He can't bring himself to meet her eyes as he speaks and turns to face the familiar piles.

" believe it or not it wasn't always like this. my mom and I have live here since I was born. It use to be a normal fun place to live. I had a lot of toys. All my legos went in that corner and I had a x-box over there at one point. Oh! and a trampoline that drove the downstairs neighbors crazy but eventually I realized that my mom was buying me all that stuff to distract me from what was going on. " He pauses and swallows, " she always suffered from depression and over time it got worst. she developed this inability to part ways with stuff." He finishes.

" So your moms like a hoarder? " Lake asks

Felix lets out a self depreciating laugh, " I like to think of her as an over active collector but yeah, hoarder works too.".

" Felix why are you showing me this? " Lake asks.

" I saw your life, I wanted you to see mine. ", He stops speaking for a moment as he steps closer, " look this may be where I live but this is not a reflection of who I am. The way your mom sees you is not who you are. You are already the best version of yourself. you are smart, funny and beautiful. And for the record I know what beauty looks like because there are about a thousand cosmo magazines right over there. " He jokes.

Lake smiles for the first time in thirty minutes. Felix smiles back at her and pulls her into a hug almost as tight as the one he gave Victor this morning. They stay that way for awhile before Lake insist she should get home. Felix wants to protest but they're both feeling a little raw and exposed so he offers to walk her home. She accepts with a smile.

They talk the whole back to her house. They talk about everything except for what happened right up until they're standing outside her door.

" Thanks for coming. " Felix says.

" Thanks for bringing me. " Lakes mimics, " It meant a lot. ".

" Lake, come to the dance with me? " Felix asks for the second time that day, " I mean who cares about public perception, we're great together! ".

" I can't. I just care too much about what other people think. " Lake says truthfully.

" I understand. " Felix says and he really does get it.

" Thank you! " Lake sighs.

" But whatever this is I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry this is over. " Felix apologies and god does he mean it. 

He spent years crushing on Lake and he was so close to being with the girl of his dreams that he thought he could handle one more secret until tonight. Showing Lake his home had been a lift of a weight off his shoulders he hadn't even noticed he'd been carrying. He wouldn't add more on to his already aching back, not when he was finally starting to feel comfortable in his own skin. 

He fought back his own tears and watched Lake do the same before her eyes hardened and she turned and walked inside. He watched her go until the door slammed shut. He stood in the cool night air for a few minutes before beginning his lonely walk home. He knows he could call Victor but the wound is too fresh and he needs time to himself. He'll get home, change into something soft and sleep. Victor will be there for him in the morning when poking at the wound won't make him sob like he does now.

**Author's Note:**

> I binged Love, victor in two nights and fell in love with Felix in the first five minuets I saw him. I wasn't planning on writing anything in this fandom till it was a little less new but after hearing THAT line in episode eight my little gender fluid brain just went ... what if Felix is Genderfluid?! 
> 
> I love how much LGBTQ representation shows have been putting out lately but there are still so many of us I see being left out a little more than others so when ever I see the tiniest possibility I can't help but latch on and self project. So Idk if anyone is at all interested in this but I simply have to get some Genderfluid/nonbinary Felix content out there. 
> 
> This is going to multiple chapters and eventual Felix/Victor because I'm velix trash.


End file.
